i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
