It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
