May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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