$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
