The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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