Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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