she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
