big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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