I just threw up on my dentist
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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