I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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