I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
