I hate your face
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
