Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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