Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
