I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need water and some morals
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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