I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
