just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
