I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
