sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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