Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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