My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
