I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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