I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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