so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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