If that was your dad, he is hot
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
