That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
