too bad you live with your parents still
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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