I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm too high and old for this...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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