I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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