The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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