I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
