ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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