Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I need a beard to bite.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
