Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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