can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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