Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
pray to the hookup gods
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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