Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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