With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
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