Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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