Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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