Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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