you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
