Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
