yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
