i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the day after is always just damage control
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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