It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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