I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
