How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
