I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
