Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
