Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
