WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
