when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
