He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
