It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
