Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he was CRYING into my vagina
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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