you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
