Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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