Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
