I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
