Cold hands, warm shart.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize