Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
