guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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