booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
