This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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