That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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