I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
