that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
