Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
